The Chance to Say Goodbye
by Irelandblue
Summary: NEW PEN NAME Previously PQLeaper Sam never got the chance to say goodbye, until now. Chapter 2 now up
1. Sam's Story

This is just a sappy piece of drabble that I came up with during a thoughtful period last week. I don't think it is very good, but ohhhhh well. Here goes...  
  
*Disclaimer*  
  
Sam Beckett, Al Calavicci, and the rest of the Quantum Leap gang are not mine, even though I wish they were. They are the property of Don Bellisario and Universal pictures.  
  
Comments and critique are welcomed and appreciated.  
  
Part 1: Sam Reminisces  
  
Well, here I go again, I have somehow found my way to this never-never land between the past and the present...or maybe neither...or both.... Anyway, I have no idea where I am, or how exactly I got there, but I know this for sure... I am NOT home. Home... that word means so much to me. How long have I been leaping about into other people's lives, other homes, to fix some mistake in the past but never being allowed to live my own life with my own family?  
  
God or Fate or Time or Whatever has one heck of a sense of humor, I must say. Sure, I'm helping out my fellow man using the talents that God gave me... however, sometimes it would be nice to be able to remember what all my talents were, no... are, ...no... whatever. Why is it only in this small space of time that I can remember everything about my life in the future...erm...past...erm...present? Well, sometime other than this time.  
  
Well, anyway, I love being able to put right what went wrong, but it would be so nice to come home... home, it seems so close, yet so far away... like I could just reach out and touch it... but that it would only be a hologram... just an illusion, a mirage in the desert. But oh, how I long for that mirage to come closer... Where is home? I used to think that home was with my mom and dad in Indiana, but I know that things have changed since then... no, home is in New Mexico, now, with the project staff, Verbena Beeks, Gushie, Ziggy, Tina and...and... and home is where Al, my best friend and only link to my own time is.  
  
Every day, I thank God that He brought Al Calavicci into my life. I don't think that I would have had the strength or the courage to keep leaping if I didn't have a good friend like Al watchin' my back. Al has saved my life more times than I care to remember, and if I tried, that information would have been swiss cheesed out, anyway. Wow, it has been so long since I was actually there to shake his hand... The last time I saw Al in my own time, he was leaving the compound on some R&R, he and Tina were on each other's good sides and I told them to go ahead.  
  
Then, something happened... What was it? Damn that swiss cheesed brain of mine...it seems even in this never-never land, my brain has more holes than Bonnie and Clyde's last getaway car...wait! I remember!  
  
We had planned to test the Accelerator Chamber the next afternoon when both Al and I could have been there and totally refreshed, but I got an urgent call from the "nozzles," as my good friend would say. They called to tell me that, because things were starting to get hairy and were taking so long without any results they were coming tomorrow morning to pull the plug on MY no OUR project!  
  
I just couldn't let that happen so I sweet-talked Gushie, the head programmer, into running a few "diagnostic tests" on the Accelerator Chamber. Then I dressed in the white Fermi suit specially made for this project and headed down to the Control Room where I knew Gushie would be waiting for me. To throw any suspicion off what I was really planning to do, I told Gushie that this was a dress rehearsal, complete with the costumes so that, when the time came, I would know exactly what to do and how to do it and how it was going to be run.  
  
I still to this day have no idea how Gushie could have accepted this explanation, I guess it was because he figured I was a genius and this was one of my eccentric quirks. Then, before he could figure out what I was planning on doing and stop me, I activated the Accelerator Chamber and pulled Ziggy (Al's pet name for the "hunk of junk metal" hybrid parallel computer I created) online and prepared to leap.  
  
As I stood there in the atomically charged fog that began rising up around me, feeling the electricity course through my limbs, all I could think about was that now the project was safe. They wouldn't leave anyone stranded in time... would they?  
  
But, then the realization that I never got to say goodbye to my best friend hit me. Oh God, how I wish that I had waited another 20 minutles and called Al home... However, I knew that he wouldn't have let me leap anymore than I would have let him if our roles were reversed. I have regretted that (when I remember what I did) ever since. I have always regretted never giving Al a proper goodbye.  
  
Dear God, or Fate or Time or Whoever you that keeps leaping me through time, the next leap I make, please let me remember this wish to say goodbye and let me be able to say it. I am so weary and I want to go home so badly, please give me this chance to put this one mistake right.  
  
Well, I guess it is almost time... I can feel the electric tingle beginning... Please God, please have heard my prayer...  
  
Part 2: Sam's Leap  
  
Ok... the tingling has subsided and I can see... I need to get oriented... ummmm... Who am I? I am Sam Beckett, Quantum Physicist, and Time Traveler... Geez, I sound like a Television show Character! Ok... now that I remember who I really am... where am I... Hmmmmm... to the left of me, I see a door with a large window covered with heavy, light blocking drapes on a travois rod and a combination radiator/air conditioner underneath the window. A table with a lamp and chair sit directly in front of it. The carpet is a well worn, but clean, tan color. Hmmmmm, this feels familiar, but I don't know why.  
  
Lemme just take a better look around here... ok, there is a single bed with a cheap, but nice-looking, mauve-flowered bedspread. Above the bed is a tacky and rather boring still life of a vase of mauve and rose colored flowers in a gilded gold frame. A small nightstand with a single drawer and shelf next to the bed holds another, smaller lamp, an alarm clock, a remote control attached to the table surface, and a beige rotary phone with a red, blinking dome next to the receiver. Oh, duh! I'm in a motel room somewhere! Geez, for a genius, I can be pretty dense, sometimes. Ok, now to find out some more about this place... guess it's time to go through the drawers, starting with the nightstand...  
  
The nightstand's drawer holds a Gideon's Bible and a TV guide with a picture of a guy that amazingly looks a lot like me on the cover. Hmmmmm... the date is October 1990... that is almost 5 years before my first leap! Whoa! Wait a minute... where did THAT come from!? I haven't been able to remember the project or my first leap since I started this experiment gone `caca' as Al would say. My PRAYER!!!! I remember! Before I leaped in here, I prayed that God would give me a way to say goodbye to Al properly. I have to find a mirror! The one over the desk will do just fine, I think.  
  
OH MY GOD! Is that ME? I leaped into myself? I wish I knew exactly where I was... wait... there's a desk against the dresser right in front of the bed... I wonder what the motel stationary looks like and if it has the address... ah hah! Here it is... I'm at a Day's Inn in Hope, Arkansas? Hope, Arkansas... Why is that place familiar? Hmmmmm, I will have to ask Al, later...  
  
Now, I have to figure out just how to tell my family and friends goodbye... I can't call them because there is no project, yet. If this is October 1990, Al and I are still trying to get the funding for this operation... Wait! I got it! I will write a letter to Al, send it to him at our old address and tell him NOT to open it until I leap in 1995... Better yet, I'll just have the post office hold it until 1995... Now, time to get to work!  
  
Well, it is about an hour or two later... maybe more. I have finally finished the letter. This had to have been one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my entire life. I am just grateful that the Big Guy Upstairs let me remember everything I needed to so that I could say all that I needed to say. Whoa, it is 2am and I have to be up early to get this over to the post office... wherever that may be.  
  
Thank you, again, god for giving me the chance to do this. I will never forget it...  
  
It is 10am and I have just finished mailing my letter to Al. The familiar tingling is starting in my limbs and I know I don't have much time. Thank you, again, God...  
  
Now, I am back in the never-never land, waiting for my next assignment.  
  
....To be continued... 


	2. Al's Story and the Letter

*Disclaimer *  
  
I am only borrowing the Quantum Leap gang for a little while; I'll give them back to Mr. Bellisario tomorrow… I promise! (Or maybe not…)  
  
Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. Now, the conclusion to our story… or is it just the beginning? Hmmmm…  
  
  
  
Part 1: Al's Story  
  
Here I am, again. For some reason I keep finding myself drawn to this office, even though I know the rightful owner is not here... God only knows where he is. Wherever Sam spends his time, I hope that it is some place safe and serene where he can think and maybe remember his life here in New Mexico. I know that it grates on Sam's nerves that his once remarkable, steel-trap memory now has more holes in it than a block of Swiss cheese. And it irks me that, because of his "boy Scout" ethics, I'm not allowed to tell him anything about his past…only confirm what he remembers on his own.  
  
The past few leaps have been so hard. Especially the last one where Sam leaped into a little girl the same age as Sammy Joe the last time he saw her. He was too late to save her from the emotional and sexual abuse that the little girl had suffered at the hands of her older cousin only to find out that it was the cousin he was here to save and NOT the little girl. Neither he, nor I came away from that one unscathed, and that's WITH my POW experience, too!  
  
It is times like these that leave me longing for Sam to be home, but I know that isn't possible. Even though I see him every leap through the Imaging Chamber, it isn't the same. A hologram, a mirage just can't replace real flesh and blood, no matter how "real" it looks. So, here I sit in his old office, amidst the equations, scientific journals, award and other papers that littered his desk when he was here and that letter that he wrote somehow always finds its way out of the shoebox I keep it in…  
  
That damn stubborn Beckett! God, how I remember the day he leaped! We had been working so hard on the project for the last month and a half and neither of us had taken any time off. Finally, all we had left to do was the final test of the Acceleration Chamber and we would have been ready to go… or at least KNOW that the retrieval program wasn't going to work and given us time to fix it. So my best friend sends Tina and I away to have some "quality time" alone and away from silicon chips and quantum physics… we were going to be back by sun-up, I swear (that is, provided we were in a condition to see sun-up, if ya know what I mean) Then those nozzles from D.C called and RATHER than just call me up and let me know about the situation and see just what I could do… no the damn stubborn mule decides to take it upon himself to LEAP using UNTESTED equipment… for a genius, he can be pretty dense, sometimes!  
  
So how do I find out about this? I get a call from Gushie as Sam is in the Acceleration Chamber and leaping… He had tricked Gushie into running the program! Of all the hair-brained, nonsense things for the guy to do… Ohhh, well, that's Sam for ya. I couldn't believe that he wouldn't at least let me be there to say goodbye, even if I wouldn't have let he get anywhere near that Acceleration Chamber if I HAD been there to say goodbye… just as he would have done for me.  
  
So, Now I sit here, missing my best friend and finding solace in a little piece of paper… Sam's last words to me. This letter has meant everything to me over the years, especially when Sam has forgotten everything, including me. I am almost certain he doesn't remember writing this to me, but I am so grateful he did. Sam is the only family I have! My mother ran away with an encyclopedia salesman when I was younger, then I was in that god-awful orphanage, I lost my father, then my sister Trudy. Hell, I even lost the love of my life, Beth, to Vietnam. Not to mention the 4 failed marriages after that… Then there was the alcohol. Somehow, I have yet to figure it out, Sam broke through all of that and became my best friend and partner in crime.  
  
Now, I am opening the letter once again to read the lines of lasting friendship and sentiment.  
  
  
  
  
  
Part 2: The Letter  
  
Dear Al,  
  
By the time you get this letter, I will have already leaped and be God knows where. I just wanted to write to you and tell you how much I appreciate you, will miss you, and how much our friendship has meant to me. I know that I will be able to see you and talk to you, but it just won't be the same… a hologram is a very poor replacement for flesh and blood. I also know that I may not remember everything at all times, including you.  
  
Al, you are my very best friend and I want to apologize for not waiting until you got back from your R&R with Tina before I left. I knew that there was no way I could have leaped with you here… you wouldn't have let me, just as I wouldn't have let you, either. Things re gonna be rough, I know, but I have so much faith in you, Al… my life is truly in your hands. I will never forget all those long nights chewing on cold, rubbery pizza, the soundtrack to Man of La Mancha playing softly in the background as we etched out the blueprints for Ziggy. And who can forget the hoops we had to jump through to even get funding for this? My goodness! If I see another bag of airplane peanuts again in my life, it will be too soon! But through it all, we stuck together.  
  
I still remember some of the conversations we had late into the night… talking about literature, physics, time travel, family, Vietnam, music, (gotta love Buddy Holly and "The King") and the meaning of friendship. I know we don't always see eye to eye, but no one does. You asked me one time why I chose to be your friend during the Star Bright project… I told you because I wanted to and that it looked like you needed a friend, but there was so much more than that. I needed you to help me as much as you needed me to help you. Yeah, I have brains and a good personality, but none of that matters. I was as alone as you were, Al, and you were able to look past the I.Q and see me, Sam Beckett, as something other than a human anomaly. You were the first person outside of my family who took me for who I was, not what I could do. Then the thing with Donna and her leaving me at the altar and everything, I would have died… just shriveled up if it hadn't been for you forcing me out of my self-pity.  
  
We are a team, stronger and smarter together than we could ever be alone… this kind of friendship only happens once in a lifetime and I thank god every day that my best friend is you, Al. You know, you have always been kind of like a father figure to me, the way you look out for everything and me. I appreciate that so much, even when I forget how much I appreciate it and let it annoy me. Geez, listen to me going on and on and on like some kind of sappy, blithering idiot! Oh, well… I guess there is a time and a place for everything and this is the time and place to gush…sorry.  
  
There are no words in any language to express how much I appreciate you and how grateful I am to have you as a friend. I trust you implicitly, as I know that you trust me, as well. And I know how hard it was for me to gain that trust. I just wanted to let you know that, though leaping may magnaflux my memory past the point of recognition, in the back of my mind, I will never forget you. I may not remember right away, but I will always know, deep in my heart.  
  
Al, now that this experiment has started, things are going to be tough. I know that the retrieval program does not work the way it is supposed to, though I do not think it is because of a design flaw. There is a higher power at work here, driving me to put right what once went wrong. There is nothing you or I can do to prevent this and the only way I will come home is when my mission is over. Please don't give up on me, though. Because if you give up, then there will be no more mission and I don't know what will happen.  
  
I guess that is all I have to say, I am slowly running out of time. … Ha… a time traveler running out of time? I think I have heard that joke before in some story I recently read… hmmmm… Never forget, Al, you are my best friend, I love you, and I will never forget you or give up.  
  
Until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand.  
  
  
  
Your friend,  
  
Sam  
  
  
  
Part 3: Epilogue  
  
I take one last look at those familiar words again, wipe the tear that had the audacity to form at the corner of my eye and refold the letter. There will be other leaps and other stories, but for now, I will myself just this once fall into sweet nostalgia and longing for my good friend to come home. 


End file.
